A small world, afterall

I had a couple of conversations today that got me thinking a bit about the country I´m a visitor in.

The thing to know about Guatemala is that, taken in a certain light, it resembles what the United States could look like if (1) the U.S. was much, much poorer and (2) the conservatives got everything they wanted.

My right-leaning friends should know I really don´t mean that as a political dig. I´m pleanty liberal, but I don´t think the Republicans want to stop me from flushing my toilet paper or print orange money (two of Guatemala´s more endearing quirks) . It´s simply true that, in this country, government has nearly ceased to exist. At least in that ¨We´re here to provide services¨way.

Here are some highlights:

- Education -

Most of the schools are run by evangelical Christian churches. The state-run universities are so crowded, only a fraction of students who are enrolled -- I´m told about 20 percent -- stay ahead of the curve enough to remain enrolled and ultimately graduate.

- Infrastructure -

Mass trasportation -- the old chicken buses and the smaller vans that act as mass taxis between popular spots -- is handled by private contractors, usually individuals or small firms. When the roads break, residents essentially have to fix them themselves as someone seems to have misplaced the second half of public works here. Water and electricity are both privately supplied, as is the gas that most city dwellers cook with. A Mexican company provides most of the phone service; it replaced a Guatemalan monopoly that refused to connect new phone lines because of the potential cost.

- Health Care -

Health insurance is unheard of, and people get by because most medicines are available over the counter for pennies -- without a prescription. Many of the kids here are losing their teeth because they´re well meaning parents treat everything with Cipro or other antibiotics. The drugs kill the mellow mouth germs that keep teeth happy. I currently have a little cold, and the Guatemalans I meet can´t get over the fact that I´m not taking drugs designed to kill anthrax for it.


As for the rest, there really isn´t much. There are no social services here, except for the private ones that Guatemalans seem more apt to put their faith in. And I don´t just mean free-condoms-for-kids or free-food-for-the-starving kind of social services. I mean the kind we in the states really -- honest-to-God really, not polite-conversation really -- take for granted. As it turns out, the dogs do not catch themselves.

And neither do the criminals.

Security is a private matter in Guatemala. Extremely serious men with shotguns guard almost everything. Banks, stereo stores and schools usually have one posted out front. I even saw one guy watching out for thieves at a feed store. The dude riding shotgun with the water delivery man actually has a shotgun. It´s great, especially when one of the guys offers directions by pointing his pistol-grip equiped little friend in the direction of the next ATM.

John Q. Public also gets his chance to play Johnny Law. While Isolde and I were hanging out at weird San Marcos de la Lagoona, a possie of locals wandered by brandishing machettes. Apparently, a suspected thief had been spotted in the area, and they were off to dispense a bit of justice. My favorite was the woman -- a menacing 5 feet tall who weighed in at about 90 pounds -- who put down here toddling child and picked up a yard-long machette to join the chase. They didn´t catch the guy.

Believe it or not, there are police here. They just don´t care to fight much crime, or do much else except cruise around in Japanese mini trucks and look menacing. The national cops have even been suplimented by regular Guatemalan Army soldiers -- following on a campaign promise by the country´s righty president. So now they can both do nothing together.

We´ll, almost nothing. One of my little language school budies got stopped by a foursome of these guys last night when he was walking home drunk from a bar. One cop and three machine-gun toting soldiers. They shook him down pretty well. He said they lost interest when they figured out he didn´t have any cash on him.

(As an aside, the soldiers all seem to have different guns. And that disturbs me to no end. I don´t know why, but I feel it would be better if they´d all stick to the same assault riffle. Couldn´t we sell them a complete set?)

So that was my first conversation.

My second was with a Guatemalan friend who explained what the government here does seem to do quite well -- patronage. As he explained it, well-to-do Guatemalans who would like to do a bit better donate to political campaigns.

About $3,000 gets you a nice cushy government job, from which you can then extort or skim enough money to make back your principal and earn a bit of revenue. Assuming your guy wins. Otherwise you´re SOL, at least until the next go around.

So, credit where credit´s due I guess. The Guatemalans may not have an effective government, but at least they´ve their leaders stay bought.

PS: I couldn´t spell check this, so forgife mi.